Fairy tale gone wrong
One stormy night there were two actors named Hansel and Gretel, they were the greatest actors of all of Brooklyn. No one had ever thought of them becoming actors (because they were really bad at acting), but the people of Brooklyn still believed in them. Gretel was a gorgeous girl she had blond long hair that was always in pigtails and looked childish, she wore a plaid dress with a plaid cardigan over her dress. Everyone thought that she had skin problems because she had freckles all over her face that looked like tiny pimples. Hansel was similar, but only slightly weirder/crazier. (everything he wore was colourful and he always wore a silly beenie) They always had a smile across theres face.
“AND CUT!” Shouted the director. Hansel and Gretel were really excited that the last scene of their new movie, DANANANANANANANA BATMAN! was finally done. They went to the pub named G’DAY MATE! to celebrate their accomplishment.
“CHEERS!” everyone shouted as they clinked their glasses together making quite a mess.
With a huge gulp they all started to celebrate HARDCORE! They started with their first 10 shots! It was quite delicious. As they had a couple more shots. They were going completely insane, they started destroying the whole pub, and the pub manager was not having it. So they were kicked out immediately, and was never allowed back in again. They decided to venture out into the abandoned parking lot where they met a strange fat, old man.
“WASSUP OLD MAN!” Shouted Hansel as he drunkenly walked over to a man in a red suit.
“YOU LOOK LIKE A FAT PIGGY, OINK, OINK!”
Gretel loudly burped in the background, obviously wasted. The man was really shocked that Hansel was acting like an IDIOT! They were good kids and did not mean any harm, but right know they were being disgusting and unpleasant. The man was getting ready for Christmas and getting presents for the cute sweet kids. But could not help but… PUNCH HANSEL IN THE FACE!
“YOU ARE A NAUGHTY KID HANSEL!” Shouted the man.
“YOU ARE GOING TO PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO ME!” The man was obviously ticked off with him.
“WHAT DID I DO TO YOU ANYWAY! YOU WERE THE ONE THAT PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE!” Shouted Hansel.
“IT’S JUST A PUNCH TO THE FACE YOU BIG CRY BABY!” Shouted the man.
The old man was very ugly and nasty. Gretel finally knew who he was, he was wearing a red suit, had a red car and had a truckload of presents. He was Santa! Hansel was so drunk that he fainted on the spot! Gretel could not believe her eyes either. But she soon was scared of him because he reached into his bag of toys and pulled out… A CHAINSAW! Gretel picked up Hansel and ran off into the woods as fast as she could until she heard him say.
“I’LL GET YOU SOON!”
Gretel. Scared out of her MIND! Now looked at her new surroundings and knew.
She was completely lost.
She kept walking wondering what directions to take. Soon enough her brother woke up.
“UGHHHHH. What happened?” He mumbled.
Hansel rubbed his eyes feeling a headache coming on.
‘Why are we in the woods?” He mumbled.
Gretel stared at him for a second, and hugged him so hard he started choking.
“CAN’T...BREATHE” He said with small breaths.
“Oops sorry” Gretel replied, putting him down.
Gretel stood up and took out her phone and reached out to the sky.
“Ughh, no reception!” Gretel started to walk into one direction while Hansel struggled to keep up.
“SLOW DOWN GRETEL” Shouted Hansel stumbling along a path towards his sister.
“Shut up!” Shouted Gretel, looking back at her brother.
While Hansel was shouting at Gretel, Gretel looked away and suddenly shouted at her brother.
“What why?” Hansel replied.
“SHUT IT!” Gretel yelled again.
This time Hansel didn’t argue.
Gretel listened carefully and heard a rustle in the bushes.
“It’s coming from that bush over there” Gretel said pointing towards a bunch of bushes.
They both slowly walked over towards the bush.
“Wait” Said Gretel.
Hansel listened. They both stared at the bush then all of a sudden… A COYOTE JUMPED OUT OF THE BUSH AND STARTED TO CHASE THEM!
‘RUNNNNN” Shouted Hansel while turning around and grabbing Gretel by the hand dragging her towards a big tree. “Hurry up and climb up.” As Hansel pushes Gretel’s butt up the tree. “Now move over so I can fit.” Said Hansel as he shoved his brother out of the way. They both sat quietly as they watched the coyote run past them. “SHHH I think it’s gone” said Gretel
“Yeah I think you’re right” Replied Hansel.
“AHHH AHHH AHHHHHHH” Shouted Hansel as he fell out of the tree and flopped onto the dirty floor.
“You had to fall out now just when the coyote was leaving, you idiot!” Gretel shouted I “DIDN’T PLAN IT!” Hansel shouted back as he heard more rustling in the bushes.
When Gretel stared beyond the bushes. She saw the same coyote turning around and running in their direction.
Gretel jumped out of the tree, picked up Hansel and started to run away from the coyote. After running for what seemed like forever, they reached a massive house with golden bricks for walls, and chocolate fountains. Gretel thought they had lost the coyote, because it was not following them anymore. She also had a feeling that it knew something that they did not.
Hansel and Gretel could not believe what they were looking at. It was so beautiful. And it was a mansion. One of the biggest mansions they had ever seen.
“OMG! What is this place?” Asked Gretel.
“I don’t know, but I want to have a little look around inside” Replied Hansel.
Before Gretel could stop Hansel he ran around the front lawn licking up all the chocolate from the chocolate fountains, and trying to break a piece of the golden brick walls. Gretel walked past her annoying brother and found herself walking right inside the massive mansion ignoring all the WARNING, KEEP OUT signs. Gretel could not believe what she was seeing, she was looking at the most beautiful house she had ever seen. The walls were filled with beautiful paintings made out of candy and whipped cream.
Gretel shot her head behind her to look around, and she spotted her brother, standing there amazed.
“You idiot you scared me!” Said Gretel as she pushed Hansel.
“Hey! I was just looking around, you scared yourself!” He replied.
“Why hello children”
Hansel and Gretel both slowly moved their heads towards a beautiful british lady. She had blue eyes that reminded Gretel of their mother’s, she was wearing her hair in a tight bun with strands of hair sticking out, she was also wearing a little top hat with a skirt and a blue jacket over her t-shirt that said Go England! Gretel stepped back remembering her mother’s saying STRANGER DANGER! Hansel just stood there, shocked.
“Why hello children” The woman said again.
“My name is Agatha, and you are?”
“Ha...Ha...Hansel, a...and, th...this, is..is, m...m...my, sis...sis..sister, G...G...Gretel” Stumbled Hansel.
“I see you have found my house, if you want you can come inside my kitchen and help me bake some cupcakes. They are my specialty.”
Hansel and Gretel both followed the lady into the kitchen, but as she closed the door she grabbed Hansel and chucked him in a cage. While Gretel was shocked by the lady's actions, the lady had already attached a ball and chain to Gretel’s leg making it hard for her to move.
“HAHAHAHAHAHA YOU FELL RIGHT INTO MY TRAP!” The Witch shouted.
“What!?” replied Gretel.
After trying for hours to plump up Hansel (the witch thought he needed to get a bit more fatter) Gretel had an idea. She thought it was reckless but decided to do it anyway. So she put her plan into motion. While the witch was busy checking the stove for the temperature, Gretel grabbed the keys from the witches pocket and pushed her into the stove locking the door before the witch had time to react. After checking that the witch was dead she unlocked her brothers cadge and they both ran out screaming hoping someone would hear them and help them, but sadly someone did.
“HA FOUND YOU! YOU NAUGHTY KIDS!” Yelled Santa.
“AAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Screamed Hansel and Gretel as they ran from a crazy old fat man with a chainsaw.